According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
