fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
