Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I want to have your abortion
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
