youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
