God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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