a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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