is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Terrible idea I love it
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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