I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
