C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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