cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
