I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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