So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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