Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
