I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
