You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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