your thong is hanging out like whoa
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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