i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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