He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
