im six kinds of drunk right now
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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