you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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