I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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