I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
