I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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