I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
