does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
