you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
This is classic penis vs brain.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
