i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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