Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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