it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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