i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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