So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
