I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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