She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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