My balls are so social today.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
