That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
