He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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