She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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