go do what you do best...puke behind churches
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
