I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
