I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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