so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
