When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
