I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
it hurts more in the daytime
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
