He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
