i think my mom watched the whole time
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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