haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
