onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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