I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
