I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My penis needs a shock collar
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
