I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
