Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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