I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
