I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
We need to rekindle our bromance
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
