Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
