arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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